The Mother’s Day season is here again. First, I want to wish the mothers out there a happy day with your children or maybe a day of rest followed by a wonderful family meal. Some women choose not to have children but for another group of women, Mother’s Day can be hard. I wanted to write for those women today. I am sure you have been told by more than one person not to think about it. This may or may not be good advice but pointless on a day like Mother’s Day. Most likely it isn’t easy on any other day as you wake up checking your fertility kit or ordering another expensive shipment of special products, pills or yoga videos. Let’s not forget the constant budgeting to see if you can afford some acupuncture, alternative medicine or a few extra therapy sessions. Today I will give you some other thoughts. Maybe some are new to you or maybe not, but hopefully they give you a little comfort.
1. How about today you allow yourself to think about it with no guilt attached. Here are some quotes about hope to give you perspective:
- I hope infertility isn’t a big joke, because I DON’T GET IT!
- “Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.” –James Baldwin
- Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, unless you are trying to get pregnant!
- Getting pregnant is like a bank robbery. It takes split second timing!
- Sometimes I imagine I am pregnant but then it gets sad so I have a glass of wine and suddenly I am glad I am not pregnant.
- Please God, if you can’t make me pregnant make my friends’ children little devils!
2. Now that you have some perspective, here are some things you can do today if you haven’t already. I can’t promise any of them will result in a child but maybe getting a child isn’t all about science?
- Make a pre-baby bucket list and actually plan when you will do these things. Don’t they say that things happen when you least expect them to? For me that usually means when I have other plans, which I will have to cancel. Did I mention I have usually pre-paid for these plans?
- Make at least one appointment to do something that could help you get pregnant, or if you are one of those women doing five million things to get pregnant, cancel one and do something totally unhelpful like throwing away one of those hideous outfits you have been saving to wear when you are pregnant. I know I said earlier that there are many things women do to try and get pregnant which result in more anxiety; however, on the other hand are women who take no action. For those women maybe try:
- Alternative Medicine (talk to your doctor about this one because there is alternative medicine and then there are con-artists selling snake oil)
- A doctor’s appointment to test yourself and your spouse
- Look into adoption–I can’t tell you how many times I hear about someone who wanted children, gave up on getting pregnant, adopted and had twins a few months later
- Fertility Tea (make sure your doctor looks at this because once again some of it is great and other stuff may actually hurt you)
- Spend time with other people’s children. While I know it can be sad, I have a totally unscientific belief in the “Fake it till you make it” strategy. (A little free legal advice: You do have to give the children back!)
3. Sadly, there is no legal advice to make you pregnant, but there are many alternatives to old fashion pregnancy and some of them do involve lawyers.
- Adoption falls into several categories:
- Domestic through an adoption agency
- Domestic through an attorney
- Adoption of a child who has been removed from their parents by child protective services
No matter which form of adoption you are considering, you should seriously think about speaking with an attorney who has experience in whichever methods you are interested in. The reason for this is that many adoptions involve contracts and/or a lengthy legal process. You can greatly improve your odds of getting and keeping a child with the assistance of an attorney.
At the Mlnarik Law Group we have experience in assisting you if you want to adopt a child through what is called the Dependency system. These are children in foster care or infants removed at birth or shortly thereafter. This is the only low budget way to adopt that I am aware of, but you really need to be prepared for the process.
I could write an entire post about this alone and maybe I will on Mother’s Day, while I try to be hopeful that children will find their way to me soon.
- Leah S. Samuels, Senior Attorney
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